


Shoulda Brought a Leash?

by CrazyTaterTot49



Series: Bleached Strawberry: Shenanigan's and Crack Edition [2]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Crack, I REGRET NOTHING, Nonsense, this should not be taken seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:20:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27142348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyTaterTot49/pseuds/CrazyTaterTot49
Summary: Cracky re-imagining of the standoff between Ukitake and Kyoraku vs. Starrk.
Series: Bleached Strawberry: Shenanigan's and Crack Edition [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1978312
Kudos: 14





	Shoulda Brought a Leash?

The Captain of Squad 13, Ukitake Jushiro, and the Captain of Squad 8 Kyoraku Shunsui stand tensely, zanpakuto’s in their hands and grim countenances as they face off against the Primera Espada Coyote Starrk. Despite there being two of them, Captain level to boot, the Primera Espada was able to once again stoop them when he summoned an army of reitsu fueled wolves. Dozens and dozens of wolves stare back at them. And they knew from experience that the creatures packed a punch.   
Kyoraku rolls his shoulders, thinking back to several minutes prior when several had caught up with him and exploded in a blaze of reitsu which acted similar to a cero in its destructive properties. His pink kimono was all but destroyed, pieces of it burnt to ash and others hanging on by a mere thread. It made him sad, cause it was his favorite one. ‘Never wear your good clothes to a sword fight.’ He sighs.   
Jushiro shifts in his peripherals, making a ‘come hither’ motion with the fingers of his left hand.   
The Captains look at each other, and nod, a sign that the Captain of the 13th had a plan.   
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but we need to use that.”   
“No, Ju-chan, not that!” Kyoraku gasps, going as far as to bring a hand up to his mouth in horror.   
“Yes, I’m afraid so, that.” Ukitake says gravely, whipping out a bright lime green and pink squeaky toy from one of his sleeves.   
Every one of the Primera Espada’s wolves ears perk up, heads swiveling around with missile-like precision to stare at the toy.   
“Fetch!” Ukitake yells, chucking the toy as hard and far as he can.   
“Shit.” Starrk curses as all of his wolves chase after the squeaky toy in a flurry of fur and barks.   
One of the wolves gets to the toy first, and the Captains and Espada can only stare as the creatures begin to fight over the toy, one every so often dropping it only for another to pick it up and run away with it, until the whole pack is involved in an all out game of ‘who can keep the squeaky toy the longest’, with lots of “boff, boff, boff” noises intertwined with the whining and growling.   
Starrk stares solemnly down at his wolves as they ignore every one of the commands he tries to send them. “This is a nightmare.” He murmurs.   
When he turns back towards the two Captains, both are wearing matching mischievous grins and all he can think is, ‘welp, I’m fucked.’   
And he is, mercilessly and without remorse as both Kyoraku and Ukitake double-team him, giving not even an inch of room to flee as they pursue him with swords, violence, and scary laughter.   
_  
Any of the other shinigami fighting their respective enemies who happen to look up at the sky bare witness to the hilarious and terrifying scene of a pack of reitsu-based wolves chasing a bright lime green and pink squeaky toy down into the fake-Karakura town, and the Primera Espada fleeing from the Captains of the 9th and 13th division, both of them cackling maniacally as they hunt down their enemy who sonidos away from them as if his life depended on it…..oh wait, it kinda did. Even the other Espada can only stare at the spectacle, not quite knowing how to process what they are seeing.   
In the end, everyone who sees the fight decides not to ask questions, never speak of it, focus on their fight, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Despite this, there was one identical thought going through everyone’s minds, and that was: ‘The Captains of the 9th and 13th were fucking terrifying.’ Most pledged then and there never to piss off either shinigami, because if this is how they acted when they were having fun, then no one wanted to ever see either of them when they were angry. Soul Society would simply not be capable of containing the pure entropy.

**Author's Note:**

> Because you just know Ukitake would have 'something' up his sleeve to help with the fight with all the times he's pulled candy out of their in the anime.


End file.
